WHEN I LOOK AT MY MOTHER, THIS IS WHAT I THINK.

I wrote this poem for my mother after she lost her husband October 3, 2015. She ended up loosing the house because her name wasn’t on the lease. They had met in church. It was a beautiful story how he say he always used to watch my mother come to church and he wanted to talk to her but he was scared to talk to her because she looked mean. I love my papa, I miss him so much because I’, 42 years old and never had the opportunity to have a father until I met Robert Taylor. He treated us all as if we were his real children. He passed at home while she was dressing him for his dialysis. It hurt so bad because she was home alone with him alone and he asked her for a bottle of water, she says when she brought him his normal room temperature water that he liked… He sent it back and told her bring him a bottle of cold water. She say she knew something was wrong then because he didn’t drink cold water. She went to exchange the water, but when she gave it to him and went to push him… his head dropped, she knew he was gone then.

Tears just flowing as I type this because I have to think about how we can never know what others are really going through. We never know their last hour, minute or second or even day. So when I watch my mother in how much she has endured it inspired me to write a book about her. She is truly a true inspiration and hero in my eyes because she has been trough so much within my 42 years I have watched, so I couldn’t imagine before me. I do know I watched her care for a man who took her and changed her life and brought so much happiness. She has lost everyone before and after her, she overcame alcoholism without a program, just stopped all on her own. I’m just very proud of my mother… She’s not Mrs. America or a superstar… But I feel her story needs to be told because of the hero she is in my eyes.

As I grasp the feelings of sadness & despair; I look over at you empty chair…you’re not there.

This house you built no longer feels like a home; And you left me here all alone…. I just can’t believe you’re gone.

You built this home with your bare hands and we built so many memories; And me leaving I know was never in your plans.

One of the happiest days of my life was when you became my groom; I thought we would be together forever but you left me so soon.

Now I left our home and it looks as if for it no one has ever cared; To live there without you was a thought I once bared.

It was so lonely there, nothing there to do nothing there to see; No one was there but me.

It was quiet, empty and so cold; Furniture covered in so many memories to unfold… that you never told.

No echoes of your voice coming from down the hall; Just loneliness, pain and hurt within these walls.

No more holding to this home that we once shared together; because you always told me it will be forever.

I can’t enjoy moments of happiness, tears of joy if your not here; When I think of you moments of sadness comes is what I fear.

Our happy memories I keep bundled close to my heart; I hold them so near and dear so it’ll feel we’re not so far apart.

I know you never meant to hurt me and if you cold stay you would still be here; I know you would only bring me happiness and never make me shed a tear.

3 Things to do After you Finish a Draft

Great advice… from BM Morgan

B.B. Morgan

Y’all know that feeling after you get to the end of a draft? That “there’s nothing after this”
kind of feeling. You have reached the end. You have completed a revision.

Now what?

Some writers dive right back in, however, sometimes it’s best to let your creative jets cool down before firing them up again. Don’t want to overheat, do you?

Here are the 3 things that I do after I finish a draft. Tried and true ways to shake up those creative engines while at the same time letting them relax.

1. Read 

Reading is a way to see how it’s done. How your favorite authors do it. How the debut authors do it. How writing and plot works in the eyes of the publishing industry – and what doesn’t work. Find new books that refuse to let you sleep, that you obsess over.

2. Research

I enjoy…

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THIS HAS BEEN MY ISSUES WITH MY BLOG, CONSISTENCY…

What I just learn from THE ASCENT from MEDIUM is that I need to really learn how to be a consistent writer, See! I felt  better even writing that and repeating it over in my head. I feel better even knowing finally… I will start taking on responsibility of being consistent if I ever plan on getting paid as a writer. And especially if I have ANY plans  on being an author. How in the world do I ever expect to write a full book if I lag around the house not writing and feeling sorry for myself.

Yes I have plans to participate in Camp NaNoWriMo, but I can imagine how that’s about be with me making an excuse. I need to get way more responsible then what I have been being with my writing. I mean as far as writing with pen and paper I have so many folders  that I can share my work. But that’s my problem… I look through it then start judging myself instead of letting the world choose what they like and what they don’t like. I guess that’s called being afraid of rejection.

I  just make sure I don’t leave room for anyone else to judge my work. So with that I will be here so can you people in the world make room on your schedules to start reading because I will be finally getting my work edited as best as I can and share my knowledge I know I have and start getting ready for rejection because I do know my work will not be satisfying to the entire world. And it’s not for the entire world to like if that’s the case that’s at hand, as long as it reaches some… I know I am cut for this writing thing if I just sit and write like I know I can. It’s hard when you have those little people on your shoulders dragging on your soul sucking you dry of the knowledge you have, wanting you to fail.

I know all about if you want to be a writer, just write… it basically seems dry and unattached from the message that, without consistency… nothing’s possible. Consistency basically puts you in the being responsible and owning up to your shit!. Stop makin excuses for something that’s so simple as sitting down and writing. And another problem I have is being a rusher. I be so much in a rush to get an article out & published for other’s to read that I don’t edit. Why would you just wait and go back and read your article before you hit publish?

woman writing on a notebook beside teacup and tablet computer
Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

I just need to get it all together and get responsible like all the people still publishing  their books on Amazon because they show consistency in what they interest is… writing their books!. But I have no clue why I have everything I need and want to make my dreams come true but I just keep making excuses to do it. I have everything from IPAD’S to Laptops but yet I create a frenzy to some reason I ain’t sitting down writing. Create goals for myself is one way I will become successful in my writer.

I will be a writer…

I will stay focused

I will sit and be consistent in my writing…

I will publish a book on Amazon.

 

 

And it will be worth anyone’s time for their buying and reading.

WHAT CAMP NaMoWriMo MEANS TO ME

Beginning with just a simple email… Thanks, Chris Baty.

With all that throughout time, they created the most extraordinary idea for writers.

Camp NaNoWriMo has helped writers all across the nation, young and old. It teaches dedication, focus & willpower to finish a deadline.

It’s fun & creative… But what I love most about camp NaNoWriMo is you get to create cabins with buddies, that will inspire & motivate you to push to the end.

In July, during camp, I had an unfortunate event but ended as a blessing… My Camp NaNoWriMo buddies supported me all the way & keep me sane.

WHAT CAMP NaNo means to me is that I will get on this project this time and stay on it and get it done this time.

And with a real author behind me daily giving me pointers to assure I stay focused and not contained writer’s block in the midst of writing a novel in a month! Eek, don’t just saying it freeze your brain already?

I love the way they have the camp, young writers program

So, I tell my family all about camp coming up this November 1st because I was so horribly attacked in my July session, and I couldn’t enjoy my writing.

My daughter Tramaine, a few days after being shot 3 times… 2 shots were life threatening…

All I want this November 1st, is to really get to engage in Camp NaNoWriMo from November 1st until the very last day in November for Camp. I really don’t care about winning… I mean I would love to, but I just want a full participation and I’m happy.

Is it s’mores and campfires time, the time to sit around the fire and tell horror stories, to write about later on of course, doesn’t this all sound so fun?

Well, I don’t have a campfire in the woods to camp out, how I wish I did… BUT! I have my hammock outback, I have my iPad and my android, I have this antique fireplace that goes outside, and me and the grands will have Camp NaNoWriMo in my back yard.

THANKS CAMP NANO🤗

YOU NEVER KNOW WHO’S LOOKING

As I sit in front of my desktop I try to figure out what have I been doing wrong with this writing. I see/read shall I say, all these other people writing and I do read a lot because I know reading bring on ideas and it also gives you more knowledge. But I tend to start getting nervous when it’s time to write as if I’m giving my articles to an agent and will get a rejection letter or something. But what I love is the fact that my grandbaby had a book fair the other day, and she chose a diary and this pen. So out of a whole room full of books she chose this diary and pen… when the lady asked: “sweetheart why didn’t you choose a book out of all these books, don’t you know reading is fundamental”?

LOOK AT WHO’S WATCHING!

My baby smiled at her and said: “yes ma’am”… but I chose this diary so I can write in it every day because I want to be a writer just like my granny mamma”

(And what I love most is we are both Lefties)

Now you know that made me feel so good. Now she sees me sitting in front of this desktop day in when they on the way to school and when they come home, I’m still sitting in the front of this desktop. She never knows the struggles of me not knowing what I will write, or that I get stuck sometimes even when I know exactly what I want to write.

You really never know who’s watching you so you really have to be careful about your choices in life. Even if it’s not a family member that’s watching, you still never know or what they are watching out for from you.

With that being said, this gives me even more of a reason to want to do this writing thing. I go through the motions of looking at this as if it’s just a hobby because I’m not published yet. But I think it’s pretty dam cool to just sit back and put your mark out here in the world first, give people some of your work and show them where your mind is at before you get out unless you’re already a big hit in the industry and they already know you.

I never knew what I was doing with this whole writing thing at first… thinking just because my handwriting was cute in school I should be a writer to show off my handwriting. But then I started writing poetry and loved it, so I kept it up regularly… And I’m happy I did.

Writing gives you this sensation of relaxation…

And as long as you have a beautiful place to write, your mind floats on words like pillars of clouds. A place where your mind is free to roam the beauty.