Lately, I’ve really been feeling the pressure. The pressure of what it really means & takes to be happy…sometimes you have to let certain things & people go. I realize everybody doesn’t deserve to go with you into your happiness. And to really have anything that will make you happy, you can’t have someone else choose it for you then call it your happiness. Anything worth bragging about have to come from you, yes others that help you along the way that means more good than harm will be there, you will notice the difference. If they cause more harm than good, those are the ones to drop alone your happiness journey. If it takes you getting out of yourself and be someone else just to please another person, they don’t care for you… It’s who you’re pretending to be that’s keeping their interest.

I didn’t graduate high school, so my career path had to come from me going back to school getting certificates. So now at the peak of me being really eager to know what I really want in my life and my happiness seems so out of grasp but yet right within my reach. My health is kind of off track to do any hard work so I’m kind of at the stage of I wish I would, and I should and I wish I could’ve. So now I have to go back to school for another career choice that wouldn’t impose on my body drastically.

It seems now I have some of all the things I’ve ever wanted, I’m writing now, I have a book about to be published eventually, But why do I have so much sadness with it? I will be a published author, I paint, draw, write music, I live in my own house finally,al my children & grandchildren are all healthy. But its sadness all in me. I have that bittersweet feeling.

You know how you 15-17 you can’t wait to be grown then by 24 you wanna go back home to mommy? Or how you can’t wait to get rich but now look at what the richness brings, more problems & bills.

I couldn’t imagine living as a celebrity because of how much pressure they have in their lives every moment, even when they’re home with families, personal moments etc… They have no privacy, all their lives are in public view. When they’re alive or dead, every moment and anything they do is in the public eye. They rarely have happiness, unless you know how to create your own within all the publicity & lies that come out of nowhere. If I feel this pressure just within my normal broke life and me not having bundles of money laying around… I couldn’t imagine having the pressure of being rich. They can’t even grocery shop, animal shop, hell I think if the paparazzi can get Beyonce shitting they would sell that with: “She shits like us”! Those people were once trying to get where they are just like a normal person, so why now they can still live normal? Why do they have to be in the public eye now?

(This picture is just to show if you really want it you go for it, regardless of the cost, that’s just how some paparazzi feel, its also how some celebrities feel. It’s a reminder to me of how I should feel alone this journey of wanting to become a published author)


Like, come on… They are human, I know I’m still human and when I become a published author I will still be human. But I do understand the pressure of the paparazzi, they wouldn’t have a job to do! So without them, we wouldn’t be able to get all this juicy information that’s not our business. The pressure of being rich is the worst pressure of it all because they live is spreader all across the world.

But the pressure of not having all that money is the pressure of struggling and going thru trying to get there. The pressure of losing so much of nothing to get so much of something that you wouldn’t want once you get it. The pressure of not knowing what sacrifices you really would make to get what you’re going for. The pressures of the people you let go, the pressure knowing toy cant care how others feel you have to go for how you feel even if itit’saving some people think you changed. The pressure of trying to stay the same. The pressure of knowing you have to change.


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