WHEN I LOOK AT MY MOTHER, THIS IS WHAT I THINK.

I wrote this poem for my mother after she lost her husband October 3, 2015. She ended up loosing the house because her name wasn’t on the lease. They had met in church. It was a beautiful story how he say he always used to watch my mother come to church and he wanted to talk to her but he was scared to talk to her because she looked mean. I love my papa, I miss him so much because I’, 42 years old and never had the opportunity to have a father until I met Robert Taylor. He treated us all as if we were his real children. He passed at home while she was dressing him for his dialysis. It hurt so bad because she was home alone with him alone and he asked her for a bottle of water, she says when she brought him his normal room temperature water that he liked… He sent it back and told her bring him a bottle of cold water. She say she knew something was wrong then because he didn’t drink cold water. She went to exchange the water, but when she gave it to him and went to push him… his head dropped, she knew he was gone then.

Tears just flowing as I type this because I have to think about how we can never know what others are really going through. We never know their last hour, minute or second or even day. So when I watch my mother in how much she has endured it inspired me to write a book about her. She is truly a true inspiration and hero in my eyes because she has been trough so much within my 42 years I have watched, so I couldn’t imagine before me. I do know I watched her care for a man who took her and changed her life and brought so much happiness. She has lost everyone before and after her, she overcame alcoholism without a program, just stopped all on her own. I’m just very proud of my mother… She’s not Mrs. America or a superstar… But I feel her story needs to be told because of the hero she is in my eyes.

As I grasp the feelings of sadness & despair; I look over at you empty chair…you’re not there.

This house you built no longer feels like a home; And you left me here all alone…. I just can’t believe you’re gone.

You built this home with your bare hands and we built so many memories; And me leaving I know was never in your plans.

One of the happiest days of my life was when you became my groom; I thought we would be together forever but you left me so soon.

Now I left our home and it looks as if for it no one has ever cared; To live there without you was a thought I once bared.

It was so lonely there, nothing there to do nothing there to see; No one was there but me.

It was quiet, empty and so cold; Furniture covered in so many memories to unfold… that you never told.

No echoes of your voice coming from down the hall; Just loneliness, pain and hurt within these walls.

No more holding to this home that we once shared together; because you always told me it will be forever.

I can’t enjoy moments of happiness, tears of joy if your not here; When I think of you moments of sadness comes is what I fear.

Our happy memories I keep bundled close to my heart; I hold them so near and dear so it’ll feel we’re not so far apart.

I know you never meant to hurt me and if you cold stay you would still be here; I know you would only bring me happiness and never make me shed a tear.

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